A Tale of Two Dreamers

Problem: Life, left to its own devices, will lead you down the path of least resistance. This may or may not be where you actually want to go.

Solution: Curate your life like an art gallery would curate paintings. Only let in the best of the best that fits your picture of your ideal life. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it.

***

Jason and Cindy were childhood friends; they’d known each other since they were nine years old.

Jason wanted to be an astronaut. He wasn’t sure why, but he knew he wanted to be a pioneer and explore places that no one had ever been before. He wanted people to see him as brave and adventurous.

Cindy wanted to be a scientist. Her mother had died when she was only seven from cancer, so she wanted to find a cure for the diseases that made other little girls like her feel sad.

Though separate paths, they both shared a common goal; they wanted to do something interesting and meaningful and be remembered for it. They were only nine, but they knew what they wanted. Of course, times were simple then.

By the time Jason and Cindy got to high school, they were best friends. Jason could practically finish Cindy’s thoughts. Cindy knew everything about Jason. But slowly, something started to change.

Cindy got even more interested in science and started taking elective biology courses and learning about diseases. Jason still wanted to be an astronaut, but now he was also interested in other things like cars and music. Somewhere along the way, he learned how fun it is to party. So, Jason tried to balance all his new interests. Cindy just kept diving deeper into what she loved.

Slowly, they started to grow apart, but they still had a few things in common.They were both good students. In fact, they were co-valedictorians at graduation.

Cindy gave a speech about how important it was to pick one thing and focus on it. She explained how much she’d learned about science by going deeper and deeper each year. Jason muttered something about how science is nice, but that having many different experiences was important to being a well-rounded person. He ended with a cliché about variety being the spice of life. Cindy was upset. She’d had plenty of variety in her experiences, they just all happened to be around something she was passionate about.

Nevertheless, Jason and Cindy stayed friends in college. They went to different schools—Cindy got into one of the world’s top biology programs and moved across the country while Jason stayed home to go to the local school that didn’t excel at anything, but had a lot of options.

They’d see each other during breaks and talk about the courses they took and books they were reading. During a conversation one winter break, Jason asked Cindy, “How do you find the time to do all things you want to? Now that I’m taking all these classes and have two part-time jobs to pay for them, I almost never get to read the books I really want to or do the things that seem the most interesting.”

Cindy was happy to explain. She’d recently discovered the fine art of curation.

After reading an article about art galleries that spend most of their time seeking out the very best work for their spaces in order to attract the most people, she had a lightbulb moment—“What if I applied the same idea to my life, only acting on the very best opportunities that are perfect for me?” she thought to herself.

She explained the idea to Jason. “If you know what’s most important to you and decide to only do the things that fit that description, you can do less and get more from it because you’re only focused on the most critical things in life. If I end up doing something and decide I don’t like it anymore, I just stop.”

Jason listened to the explanation, but he seemed annoyed. “But what if everything is important to me? What if I want to do lots of things? How can I, as you like to say, ‘curate my life’ if I’m not like you?”

Cindy shrugged. “I don’t know, Jason. I guess you have to just pick one thing and tackle it. You might not get it right the first time, but at least you’ll have given it enough effort to know one way or the other.”

Jason smiled and said, “Sure.” Then he went on to talk about a new book on space he’d really wanted to read, but couldn’t because he was in the middle of another boring book his friend had recommended him and the trip to NASA that he had to postpone after buying his new Playstation so his friends had something to do when they visited.

Jason and Cindy didn’t talk much after that. Cindy went back to school and kept working towards her biology degree. She started taking more and more classes on disease and even turned down an internship with a prestigious research facility because she thought she could do better. It took some time and a lot of hard work, but eventually she did.

Jason went back to school, for a while at least, and took a variety of unrelated classes because that’s what everyone had told him he was supposed to do in college—explore and find yourself. Eventually, he got frustrated when it felt like he wasn’t really getting anywhere and dropped out when a family friend offered him a job helping manage his small business. It had been years since he’d read anything about astronauts or the space program. He missed it and would day dream as he assembled shift schedules for the business, but reminded himself that he had a “pretty good life.”

The two didn’t talk again until their high school reunion. The conversation was awkward at first, but they’d been friends a long time, and they eventually picked up right where they’d left off.

Cindy told Jason about how she’d gotten into microbiology and landed an internship with a top pharmaceutical that opened up a slew of great job opportunities for her. Despite all the choices, she picked one with lower pay, but gave her exactly the experience she wanted. She mentioned to Jason that although she loved the work she was doing, she was secretly looking for partners to help her fund her own research lab where she’d focus all her energy on beating the cancer that’d taken her mother when she was only seven.

Jason listened in amazement, trying to hide any jealousy he might be showing.

Cindy was maxed-out and exhausted, but she’d never been happier. She explained to Jason all about her strategy of curating her life and only following the most interesting paths and what it had done for her. She was even in the middle of a book manuscript on the subject.

When Jason heard her bring that up again, his amazement turned back to annoyance. He remembered why he hadn’t talked to Cindy for so long. All that rubbish about, as he interpreted it, ignoring life’s little callings, really left a bad taste in his mouth.

He feigned interest as Cindy finished her story, and then started to tell his own, though he kept it short as he’d grown tired of talking to her.

“Well,” he said with a slight arrogance in his voice, “I wandered all over the map, but ended up exactly where I’m supposed to be. I dropped out of college, but I got a good job. I fell in love with a girl, and when it didn’t work out, I ended up with her friend. Now we’re married, have two wonderful kids, and home to make memories in. Things aren’t perfect, but life never is, right? Next year, we’re going to Jamaica together… or Europe; we haven’t decided yet.”

Cindy congratulated him on his wonderful life, but she was confused. “I have all those things too,” she thought to herself. “I just didn’t mention them.”

By now the conversation had turned stale and awkward. As they both grasped for a way to end it, Jason asked Cindy, “So, what’s next for you?”

“Just the plans for the new research lab,” she responded. “I read a great book the other day on how to start a non-profit that I think will help me get started. How about you? Read any great books lately?”

“No,” he said, listlessly. “There’s a new book out by Buzz Aldrin about what it’s like to be an astronaut. I want to check it out, but I have to get through a few other boring reads that my friends gave me first. If I start something, I always finish it.”

Just as Jason noticed another old friend and started to head towards him, he turned one last time to Cindy, smiled, and said:

“But who knows, right? I’ll get around to it.”

~~~~~

This piece was inspired by a recent conversation with Niall Doherty about finishing books we didn’t like and a conversation with J.D. Roth about saying no to obligations we no longer want. Image by: Storm Crypt