Happy People Know Relationships Take Work

The gist: Research on healthy relationships shows if you want stronger, long-lasting connections, you have to develop the right mindset.


Anne was a struggling actor in New York. Trying to get her foot in the door somewhere—anywhere—she set out to hire an agent.

A few calls later and she was sitting down for an interview. Things seemed to be going well. Maybe too well. After a few questions, Anne realized she’d come across town for nothing. The agent didn’t want to find her work—he wanted to date her. She left the office crying, wondering why she couldn’t get the respect she deserved in her career.

That’s when she met Jerry, another struggling actor who happened to be sitting in the waiting room of that same office. Jerry consoled her a moment, they chatted, and decided to go for coffee.

The rest, as they say, is history. The actors in this story are Anne Meara and Jerry Stiller—one of Hollywood’s favorite couples. 1

The story of their meeting is fun, but the rest of their tale is far more meaningful. When Meara passed away, they’d been married 60 years.

That’s an incredible accomplishment for any couple, but nearly unheard of in the land of fame and fortune. What was the glue that held their marriage together as they crossed the minefield of failed relationships that seem to litter the landscape of the rich and famous?

Jerry and Meara’s “relationship theory”—the way they thought about their marriage and how it should work—gave them a distinct advantage that kept them happy all those years.

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